Transformations: What I Wish I'd Known Prior to Becoming a Homeschooler

A Homeschooler is Born

In the past 12 weeks as a fledgling full-time homeschooler, Liam has taught me so much. The first day I tried to homeschool with him, I was desperate to conform us both to the "the magical" online program. I was sucking wind to prove to everyone--especially me--that he was more than an alphabet soup of diagnoses.

He was more than a third grader with a quickly evolved "bad" reputation. He was NOT "just" the kid who dropped THAT WORD (which I didn't EVEN know he knew) in front of the principal AS I was escorting him out of school after yet ANOTHER EPIC meltdown. He wasn't angry. He was scared. And I was TERRIFIED

As we approached homeschooling together, I reeked of desperation.

What NOT to DO: My Top 5 

1. Ever say "we have to do this online program or we (you!) will have to go back to school." Yep. I did it. Shamed and all that. You could find me arm-deep in a vat of peanut butter with a bottle of wine in hand after that epic lead balloon sailed.

2. Spend 12 hours SEARCHING for said "perfect online program." Seriously. In 12 hours I could: take a bath, wash my hair for real instead of dry shampoo, scoop the cat litter pans, fold laundry at long last, listen to Oprah's Super Soul Sunday like twelve times. 

3. Judge and pressure. Judge myself for being lax when this kid was taking four hour naps as part of his healing from PTSD-level anxiety. Pressure myself to "get it rolling" without truly knowing him as a student yet. We both needed grace and time to adjust....S-L-O-W-L-Y.

4. Doubt and defend.  Crazy huh? As his mom, I have a Master's in Educational and Counseling Psychology. I doubted myself daily--hourly--and into the wee hours while in bed counting my hot flashes. I hand-fed my doubt based upon any perceived disdain from others. I defended our homeschooling decision like it was the Alabama end zone in the fourth quarter against Auburn. I am talking tooth-grinding defense.

5. EVER Give UP.  Not because I am a perfect homeschooler. Because I REFUSE to EVER GIVE UP.  And Lordy, there have been times....like when his music teacher shouted forte to illustrate the meaning (three times!) and we left in a rush, Liam covering his ears and saying "I hate you!" to her because he was physically and psychologically in PAIN and FIGHT/FLIGHT (both!). The day he impulsively put urine in the milk jug (thank God I did NOT drink it before I caught on). The day he decided the cat needed a shower. OR so many of the days he has cried in a dark space in fear from OCD and I had no idea how to help. I've wanted to turn in my resignation letter!

Getting My Groove: 5 Things that Have Helped Me BECOME a Better Homeschooler (so far)...

1. Speaking his LOVE LANGUAGE- how do you know what it is? I thought I knew Liam's...BUT I was constantly rubbing against his preferences. He needs time, time, time and more time. Time to share what's important to him. Extra time to process EVERYTHING. Time to ensure I am 100% entering his world. How do I know what he values? We keep a gratitude board and each night I ask his Daily Top 3 Happy Moments. He's telling me all the time what he values and how to reach him best via his Top 3.

2. Providing Just "Enough" Structure with flexibility, flexibility, flexibility. One thing I've recently learned from Shawna Wingert of Not The Former Things is the beauty of WEEKLY vs. DAILY goals (over a 6 week map). You know what? So, we have a rough night of insomnia, so what? We nap more. We take life more naturally, he is GROWING and I am not as stressed and torqued about what ALL we might miss day-to-day.

3. MOVING and PLAYING---A WHOLE STINKIN' LOT! We have a TON of sensory breaks AND do learning EVERYWHERE. We do EVERYTHING while he is in his body sock for deep pressure, rock in his hammock, go to the park, walk, jump, bounce on the trampoline, play with clay, turn out the lights, take it outside, in the rain, on a train, in the car. 

4. Engaging in SMALL (Micro) Learning Chunks. I mean REALLY small as his system has rebuilt and strengthened. We have a 1 minute sand timer for multiplication. His capacity at one interval is 10 minutes of focus then a body break. His retention and focus have improved with this approach. 

5.Soaring with his STRENGTHS. A liberating concept for me was that anything can be learned through everything and everything can be learned through anything. 

The humbling moment for me? I had been in leadership development for 10+ years using the StrengthsFinder without EVER pausing to apply it to learning with Liam. JEEZE! 

So I threw out the stale math and dry language arts curricula. Here's the thing: I've designed adult learning experiences for YEARS....this was what I was made for! EVERYTHING we do NOW is child-centric, meaning his scuba diving interest/strength provides hours of live experience for science, worthwhile math and exciting language arts for us both. Sharks. Minecraft. My Little Pony. Parakeets. Whatever is delicious to his brain becomes the inroad!

What Helped THE MOST? TRUST

1. ABOVE ALL--TRUST YOURSELF. Really. I mean it. Like trust-fall kind of trust. 

I know in my SOUL this is right---no one else offering eye rolls or options or nutritional supplements has EVER raised our complex kiddo. (BTW, I ate the supplements with a glass of chardonnay).

This is the grandest adventure of our combined life. What a thrilling, exhausting, bumpy, exhilarating ride it is. Twelve weeks in, I feel more connected to Liam than I ever have. His LAUGH is back and happens EVERY DAY.

2. TRUST OTHERS-Trust that your tribe is out there, waiting to connect with you. I FINALLY had the courage to say, I WILL FIND MY TRIBE in this wilderness. And shazam--boy did I! More about who THEY are coming soon. 

Friends, every experience you've had in your whole life has led to this moment. Will it be hard? Totally! Will you make mistakes? God, I hope so! I sure have. Will this be the BEST investment you can ever make? So far, my experience points to HECK YEAH!!