Trust & The Dignity of Trying
To Camp or Not to Camp?
In July, we had an advertised week-long "sensory-friendly" camp planned and purchased for Liam. It was touted as a camp for children on the autism spectrum or with sensory needs. It ran 9 am-12 noon each day- 3 hours of "fun." With an adaptive recreational specialist, mind you.
Three hours. Five days in a row. Let's be honest, people. Even if Liam was successful for only 30 minutes--so I could read, have iced lavender coffee or phone my mom---well, I might just pee my pants with joy!
Hubs and I went back and forth. Back and forth. Was Liam ready? What if? What if? What if? Liam had made progress, sure. But was it enough? Should we just cancel and try to get a refund?
The Dignity of Trying
The week before the camp, I scheduled a meet and greet with the primary camp counselor. Liam likes to be prepared. See the schedule ahead of time. Get a feel for the room. Vibe on the teacher. I heartily patted myself on the back for being so proactive.
He took his hermit crab to meet the young counselor. It went swimmingly. He proudly sat at the table with her, diligently reviewed the schedule and professionally asked eight questions.
Monday morning came. He was chipper. He ate Cheerios like always, got dressed in his fave Brony tee and sang along with FGL in the car. THEN we drove up. The first thing he saw was ALLLLLL of the kids gathered in 10 different multi-colored tents, wild movement, visual pandemonium. A diesel truck idled near the "sensory friendly" check-in tent. He HATES diesels--even with his headphones they are overwhelming to his ears and they STINK.
Without a meltdown, he politely turned and said "I want to go home."
Without a meltdown, I said, "Ok." And home we came. On the way back up the hill to our house, he grabbed my hand and kissed it. I knew it was the winning decision. We took a road trip instead to Mud Mountain pictured here.
Yet in a millisecond, I chose to fill his bucket of trust. He was practicing the skills we have worked on for almost a full year. Politely asking for what HIS body needed. Being self-aware. Knowing when he was out of his depth.
And so I practiced being the mom I aspire to be more often....not the oft over-valued command and control magician. The MINDFUL mom who can roll with it. Who can CATCH THE SPARK. Even when the success looks 10,000 times different than I EVER imagined it in my own pointy little head.
Truth bomb? I'm achievement oriented and goal driven. I wanted to crow that he accomplished camp that week.
But you know what? We quietly accomplished something more important---a moment of breakthrough. A moment that served to build instead of break. A chance to shore up his self-trust, his self-esteem and his sense that we've totally got this together. Because it's not about what I can make him do.
It's about the fact that he has the confidence and dignity to TRY tomorrow because of the support provided NOW.
He took his hermit crab to meet the young counselor. It went swimmingly. He proudly sat at the table with her, diligently reviewed the schedule and professionally asked eight questions.
Monday morning came. He was chipper. He ate Cheerios like always, got dressed in his fave Brony tee and sang along with FGL in the car. THEN we drove up. The first thing he saw was ALLLLLL of the kids gathered in 10 different multi-colored tents, wild movement, visual pandemonium. A diesel truck idled near the "sensory friendly" check-in tent. He HATES diesels--even with his headphones they are overwhelming to his ears and they STINK.
Without a meltdown, he politely turned and said "I want to go home."
Without a meltdown, I said, "Ok." And home we came. On the way back up the hill to our house, he grabbed my hand and kissed it. I knew it was the winning decision. We took a road trip instead to Mud Mountain pictured here.
Breakthroughs vs Breakdowns: Real Mojomommamagic
In full disclosure, my good Southern upbringing made me FIRST want to say Are you kidding me?! Dude, do you know what we paid for this camp?! Do you know how RUDE we will seem if you don't attend? Get your butt out of this car right now, mister! Do you know how much I wanted 30 minutes of alone time?Yet in a millisecond, I chose to fill his bucket of trust. He was practicing the skills we have worked on for almost a full year. Politely asking for what HIS body needed. Being self-aware. Knowing when he was out of his depth.
And so I practiced being the mom I aspire to be more often....not the oft over-valued command and control magician. The MINDFUL mom who can roll with it. Who can CATCH THE SPARK. Even when the success looks 10,000 times different than I EVER imagined it in my own pointy little head.
Truth bomb? I'm achievement oriented and goal driven. I wanted to crow that he accomplished camp that week.
But you know what? We quietly accomplished something more important---a moment of breakthrough. A moment that served to build instead of break. A chance to shore up his self-trust, his self-esteem and his sense that we've totally got this together. Because it's not about what I can make him do.
It's about the fact that he has the confidence and dignity to TRY tomorrow because of the support provided NOW.
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